The alienated humans

“Can’t you come and give me a hand in the kitchen? I don’t understand what’s there in TV all the 24 hours!” Sowmya screeched at the top of her voice.
Bala continued watching the program on UFOs. He was a big fan of the Aliens, UFO.s and such weird theories and fantasies.
“Aliens must have visited our solar system once every 10,000 years. Are they all visiting Earth? Are we at the centre of some inter-galactic trade route?”
His eyes stayed glued to the TV.
But he was well aware of the existing theory that wife is more important than aliens and that made him respond to his wife’s call.
“Ya, coming, wait!” The response was quick but he never stopped watching TV.
“….Very human looking ... some say that if you were to meet one on the street you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. These aliens operate together with other alien types. They are supposed to have landed five years ago and now they have multiplied here and mingled with the humans and exist in human form! Some report that aliens kidnap humans and take them either on their ships for all sorts of tests and manipulations..”
“I wish they kidnap Sowmya!” He said to himself.
Bala stood there with the remote control in his hand ready to switch off anytime when his wife screams next.
“Balaaaaaaaa…..”
“I said I am coming. Why are you shouting?”
He took a few steps towards the kitchen but still was hearing what was being said on the TV.
“Why, even your co-worker may be an alien. Watch out for these signs in them!
1.Watch out for their indifferent taste in their dresses. Striped pants and checked shirts almost looking like clowns.
2. Their unusual eating habits.
3. Weird sense of humour where they would laugh when you are engaged in a serious conversation.
4. They might take frequent breaks and doze off for a few seconds in between conversations.
5. They will ask stupid questions. If no one answers, they might talk to themselves.
6. An alien may experience a mood change when an electronic item is switched on.”
He was so engrossed in TV watching, Bala did not notice his nosy house owner who came to collect his rent. He had been actually asking the couple to vacate the house. The house-owner had no other go but to watch the show along with Bala. He left after a few minutes knowing that Bala is not going to vacate the house that month.
Bala’s thoughts were all about the aliens. How is he going to deal with these aliens? How would he find out?
Bala was so worried. He started thinking about his colleagues who had these strange behaviors. Who knows? They might be aliens.
Can Rahul Varma be an alien? He had this penchant for wearing weird clothes and he remembered his co-workers teasing Rahul that he looked like a clown. He ate food with weird combo – dosa and jam – yucks and chappathi with curd – more yucky.
On the other hand, could it be Ramaswamy? He loved to doze off now and then while typing out documents and asked stupid questions now and then.
“No, they don’t have all these signs” He convinced himself.
He came back to his senses when Sowmya called him again. It’s been a year since he married her and there were at least a couple of arguments between them everyday.
“Good, now light the stove and boil the milk!” She said softly.
He switched on the microwave oven.
“Balaaa..whats wrong with you? I told you to light the gas stove and you switch on the oven? Blah, blah, blah..” Sowmya lost her temper. She could not stand it anymore. She blew her top.
Bala stared at her. Ha! It’s her alien mood!
It was the mood swing and that too just because he switched on the microwave oven! After all, he felt, he switched it off immediately!
Could she be….an…alien? Bala decided to use his detective brain from now on.
Sowmya lighted the stove, put the milk on to boil, and rushed to get ready.
“Now it’s already getting late!” Sowmya was back after a bath.
She wore her favourite striped shirt. Every Friday, informal wear was allowed in her office and since she had no time to select her dress being already late, she picked up this one.
Bala was too stunned for words.
“She is..an..alien!” He said to himself. “It is definite!”
“Now what are you talking to yourself? Don’t you dare mumble? Speak out if you have the guts!” Sowmya told him.
She was in full form that day.
All she could do was grab 2 slices of bread, gobble it up and leave.
“Bala, are you ready? I said I wanna go shopping today.” She said as she came back from office.
“What a stupid question? Didn’t I call her 10 minutes back and tell her I would be waiting at home? Huh! Stupid! I caught her now! God! It is confirmed! I must report to them” Bala almost came to a conclusion that she might be an alien.
“Balaaaa..whats wrong with you? Stop the car. I have to get down now!”
His car came to a screeching halt in front of her office. As soon as she left, he took his cell phone.
“Woztech132 calling from earth! Woztech132 calling from earth! Is it Zytech10112?”
‘I’ve fumbled in my research!” he said. He had married Sowmya thinking she was a human. “My wife is an alien!”
“Nonsense! You are supposed to research on humans and that too, women as wives! Come back then! You are a flop!”
Sowmya went inside her office, and assuring herself that no one is around, took out her cell phone.
“Is it Zygot70001? It’s me, Begot80721 from Earth! There is another alien here disguised as a human. He has spotted me! I have to escape. Shall I come back?”
Apart for these two calls, there was another call to the UFO Research Center. It was from their house owner.
“I’ve spotted two aliens here. They are staying in my house. I will give you the address!”
This was the only way he could make them vacate the house!